Pariprashnena — Q&A Archive

I dont see how is your nirjala fast affecting her if you dont force her to do the same.

Following are some of the reasons:-
1) She feels I may fall sick or collapse somewhere and meet with accident while travelling.
2) She feels Im increasing my sadhana gradually (actually I personally feel Im decreasing) and one day ill leave her and become a sanyasi (im not even a initiated devotee now).
3) She feels that there is a limit for everything including bhakti.

You can eat a little something on other Ekadasis, but this Ekadasi is too beneficial to ignore because of your wife. Shes really not looking after your best spiritual interest, especially if you consider point number three.

The benefits of this Ekadasi far outweighs the other Ekadasis. All you have to do is fast from food and water for 24 some hours, and thats it. You get the benefit of fasting on all other Ekadasis. Combine this Ekadasi with doing the other Ekadasis, its like performing the double the amount of Ekadasis in the year.

Im very into eating good foodstuffs, so trust me when I say that this Ekadasi is very spiritually satisfying, and I gladly fast on this day. Even when I perform other Ekadasis, I generally just drink water throughout the day, unless I do some good amount of physical activity. Thats the only time I eat something, and even then its simple and just enough to get me by. Its that spiritually satisfying and has helped my faith out quite a bit. I owe a lot to Mother Ekadasi.

In any case, you should try to engage your wife in devotional service, directly or indirectly, depending on how she is. You know her best so do whatever it takes. She can only say things like "there is a limit for everything including bhakti" only if shes never tasted it before.

Or, if your own sadhana is good, your own personal presence should influence her. However, good sadhana means quantity and quality, so Id talk to a bona-fide spiritual practitioner in ISKCON about good sadhana. Persons like Vaisesika Prabhu, Radhanatha Swami, etc etc come to mind, or anybody in general, and keep exposing her to ecstatic kirtan, like those from Sacinandana Swami.

Gauranga!

All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Hare Krishna.

Wife is supposed to understand and support mood of husband, not non-understood husband supports mood of wife.

Nirjal ekadasi or holy appearance fasting or any austerities that we may perform should be done as an offering unto Lord Krishna. Is this your motive? Impure motives can bring about unwanted responses from others around us. For instance, austerity done to increase ones pride or position can upset the Lord and His parts and parcels.

You "explain politely", meaning you take her to be a person on the first-class level who can be convinced through logic and reasoning, But according to Srila Prabhupada, a second class person requires flattery and a third class requires bribery. The fouth class requires punishment. Perhaps you have misread your wifes status.

Wife cannot be happy (as mind cannot be happy) being in control, even if they get their way. Mind and wife require to be controlled by intelligence or husband. You dont like her anger, she knows it and uses it the entire day?! to manipulate you. Her anger is how she tries to control you; you could let her have a dose of yours. We never heard that Sudamas wife was angry at him, she simply requested again and again for her husband to act as needed for his welfare. Your wife is not in this category. Women are strange. There was a popular American song in the 60s. Lyrics were, "Jahni get angry, Jahni get mad, give me the biggest lecture i ever had. I want a brave man, i want a cave man. Jahni show me that you care, really care for me."

Love means doing things for "your happiness, your welfare." Even if she or a million feminists disagree, happiness/welfare for the mind and wife is accepting a subordinate position. So accepting this truth and insisting on it means to lovingly act for the real happiness/welfare of the wife. Simultaniously teach her how to love in return by her acting for your happiness/welfare. This is patterned after Bhagavan Sri Krishnas eternal relationship with His jiva parts and parcels. Seeing your discomfort at her anger should be enough to pain your wifes heart and stop her. How can wife learn to love and serve Sri Krishna through practice with you if you let her serve her own selfish anger and fears based on her losing your service to her body and mind?

Otherwise, you can actually take sanyas. Scriptures enjoin "If the wife deals roughly and there is no mother at home, man can leave for the forest." (or the samkirtan party).

We souls come to the world to become the predominator. But Sri Krishna is the only predominator and we are all to be predominated by Him. Men want to predominate women that is their main misfortune. Women are so fortunate to have the social position and nature to desire predomination by husband and Lord. Of course being predominated by an ordinary husband is nothing like being predominated by Lord, but if he is a devotee, and trying to be predominated by Sri Guru and Lord (not her) it is really good for her.

Hare Krishna

be a man ,dont be controlled by a woman

the more you let her be out of control the less she will respect you and more problems she will give you

you sound like a woman ganeshthebest

dunno how badly things go..

a wife cares for a husband and a husband wows to look at her welfare all through their life.. both spiritually and materially..
"NO WHERE IN SASTRA IS IT STATED THAT A MAN SHOULD CONTROL HIS WIFE OR VICE VERSA"
all that is explained in the vivaha samskara is to help eachother progress in dharma, artha, kaama and above all moksha..

taking that as a base
its normal for her to ask u such.." though its not properly advisable"

Regarding how to actually follow ekadasi.. its better one consider few other..
first and foremost"the material body is also a temple of the supreme lord as paramatma" and it is the responsibility of the jivatma that the body doesnt become weak and feeble.. austerity is recommended

if ur body actually shows symptoms of weakness due to fasting then the above dharma considered u better take in some prasadam... that sanctioned to be eatable..

and about nirjala.. i ve seen a patient temple devotee drink because austerity is meant to bring one closer to krsna but not meant to trouble the body..

harishkumarmn your shastra must be missing a few pages here and there but luckily mine isnt:

Quote from Srimad-Bhagavatam : Canto 4: "The Creation of the Fourth Order" : SB 4.29: Talks Between Narada and King Pracinabarhi : SB 4.29.55 : PURPORT :
"The particular mention of auc0u7749 ganu257 u347 ramam asattama-yu363 tha-gu257 tham is very interesting. The whole world is in the clutches of mu257 yu257 , being controlled by woman. Not only is one controlled by the woman who is one'92s wife, but one is also controlled by so many sex literatures. That is the cause of one'92s being entangled in the material world. One cannot give up this abominable association through one'92s own effort, but if one takes shelter of a bona fide spiritual master who is a paramahau7745 sa, he will gradually be elevated to the platform of spiritual life.

Books : Srimad-Bhagavatam : Canto 5: "The Creative Impetus" : SB 5.6: The Activities of Lord Rsabhadeva : SB 5.6.4 : PURPORT :
In this verse the word puuc0u7745 u347 calu299 refers to a woman who is easily carried away by men. Such a woman is never to be trusted. Unfortunately, in the present age, women are never controlled. According to the directions of the u347 u257 stras, women are never to be given freedom. When a child, a woman must be strictly controlled by her father. When she is young, she must be strictly controlled by her husband, and when she is old, she must be controlled by her elderly sons. If she is given independence and allowed to mingle unrestrictedly with men, she will be spoiled. A spoiled woman, being manipulated by paramours, might even kill her husband. This example is given here because a yogu299 desiring to get free from material conditions must always keep his mind under control. u346 ru299 la Bhaktisiddhu257 nta Sarasvatu299 u7788 hu257 kura used to say that in the morning our first business should be to beat the mind with shoes a hundred times. and, before going to bed, to beat the mind a hundred times with a broomstick. In this way one'92s mind can be kept under control. An uncontrolled mind and an unchaste wife are the same. An unchaste wife can kill her husband at any time, and an uncontrolled mind, followed by lust, anger, greed, madness, envy and illusion, can certainly kill the yogu299 . When the yogu299 is controlled by the mind, he falls down into the material condition. One should be very careful of the mind, just as a husband should be careful of an unchaste wife.

Books : Srimad-Bhagavatam : Canto 5: "The Creative Impetus" : SB 5.18: The Prayers Offered to the Lord by the Residents of Jambudvipa : SB 5.18.26 : PURPORT :
Everyone is under the control of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, exactly like dancing dolls controlled by a puppeteer or a woman controlled by her husband. A woman is compared to a doll (duc0u257 rumayu299 ) because she has no independence. She should always be controlled by a man. Still, due to false prestige, a class of women wants to remain independent. What to speak of women, all living entities are praku7771 ti (female) and therefore dependent on the Supreme Lord, as Ku7771 u7779 u7751 a Himself explains in Bhagavad-gu299 tu257 (apareyam itas tv anyu257 u7745 praku7771 tiu7745 viddhi me paru257 m). The living entity is never independent. Under all circumstances, he is dependent on the mercy of the Lord. The Lord creates the social divisions of human society'97bru257 hmau7751 as, ku7779 atriyas, vaiu347 yas and u347 u363 dras'97and ordains that they follow rules and regulations suited to their particular position. In this way, all members of society remain always under the Supreme Lord'92s control. Still, some people foolishly deny the existence of God.

perhaps now is a good time to stop preaching rubbish and confusing people harishkumarmn.What do you think?

Lectures : Bhagavad-gita Lectures : Bg 1: Lectures : Bhagavad-gita Introduction -- New York, February 19-20, 1966 : 660219-20BG.NY :
Then what is this material nature? The nature is also explained. The nature, material nature, is explained in the Bhagavad-guc0u299 tu257 as inferior, inferior praku7771 ti. Inferior praku7771 ti, and the living entities are explained as the superior praku7771 ti. Praku7771 ti means which is controlled, which is under... Praku7771 ti, real meaning of praku7771 ti is a woman or a female. Just like a husband controls the activities of his wife, similarly, the praku7771 ti is also subordinate, predominated. The Lord, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, is the predominator, and this praku7771 ti, both the living entities and the material nature, they are different praku7771 tis, or predominated, controlled by the Supreme. So according to Bhagavad-gu299 tu257 , the living entities, although they are parts and parcels of the Supreme Lord, they are taken as praku7771 ti. It is clearly mentioned in the Seventh Chapter of the Bhagavad-gu299 tu257 yes, apareyam itas tu viddhi aparu257 [Bg. 7.5]. This material nature is aparu257 iyam. Itas tu, and beyond this there is another praku7771 ti. And what is that praku7771 ti? Ju299 va-bhu363 ta, these...

Lectures : Srimad-Bhagavatam Lectures : Canto 5: Lectures : SB 5.6: Lectures : Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.6.4 -- Vrndavana, November 26, 1976 : 761126SB.VRN :
So these things are there. The purpose is that our mind is like that, puuc0u7745 u347 calu299 , unchaste wife. Not that everyone is unchaste. We have got many example, the character of woman. It is not that. It is not generalization. But there is chance. If they are not controlled, not properly educated, there is chance of becoming puu7745 u347 calu299 , and there have been many instances that woman, for being attracted by paramour, has killed even ones own son.

sorry if i sounded wrong..
but let me make things clear a bit..
NOT ALL WOMEN ARE SPOILED..
BEING COMPASSIONATE TO A WIFE DOESNT NECESSARILY MEAN WE ARE SEXUAL SLAVES TO HER..
ITS THE MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY OF BOTH THE HUSBAND AND WIFE TO LEAD A LIFE AS SUGGESTED IN THE SASTRA AIMED AT ATTAINING KRSNA PREMA..
ITS IN A WOMANS NATURE TO BE UNDER CONTROL OF HER HUSBAND .. THE MAN DOESNT NEED TO TRY FOR IT..
ITS A MANS DUTY TO FULFILL TO HIS WIFES DESIRES JUSTILY, SO THAT SHE MAY BE UNDER HIS CONTROL..
ITS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY TO GUIDE HIS WHOLE FAMILY.. HIS WIFE BEING THE FIRST.. IN THE PATH OF KRSNA CONSCIOUSNESS..

and please make one note...

THE VIVAAHA SAMSKAARA ENTRUSTS THE HUSBAND WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MAINTENANCE, PROTECTION, WELFARE, COMPASSIONATE AND MUTUAL TRUST OF HIS WIFE..HE IS ALSO TO GUIDE HER TO THE SPIRITUAL LOKAS

i maintain utmost respect to srila prabhupada for his preaching and sorry to say.. we tend to stress more on examples of bad than examples of good and the same appears above..

excuse me..
i am off this discussion as i find its a waste to discuss anything but krsna..

hare krsna..

== harishkumarmn - Sorry if i sounded wrong ( re above )

No, harishkumarmn you did not sound wrong. You sounded just about
right. You have a more realized understanding on this matter than others.

[quote][cite] harishkumarmn:[/cite]sorry if i sounded wrong..
.[/quote]

It is not that you sounded wrong.You WERE wrong.Now you changed your position from being totally wrong to not wanting to sound wrong.

I would agree for such frail minded men like you it is better to not control any woman as you obviously cant even control your mind enough to stop spewing ignorant BS under guise of some so called compassion towards women.

To characterize the importance of controlling the women in the context of guidance and protection as something bad is obvious proof that you have been successfully socially engineered to the degree that you have no power of discrimination left in you.

You say that "men doesnt need to try for it" and Srila Prabhupada says that "When a child, a woman must be strictly controlled by her father. When she is young, she must be strictly controlled by her husband, and when she is old, she must be controlled by her elderly sons. If she is given independence and allowed to mingle unrestrictedly with men, she will be spoiled." Never once does Srila Prabhupada say that women are naturally predisposed to be strictly controlled and that there is no need to make an endeavor to accomplish that.

You remind me of countless emasculated men(devotee and non devotee) that due to their "excessive compassion" had to eventually abandon their " out of control wives" and look for a greener pastures at the great detriment of their unfortunate wives and children.

I never suggested that one should not love and care for his wife.Real love and care means acting according to the duties prescribed by sadhu and shastra.If I am in the mans body than it is my solemn duty to control/protect/guide/instruct/protect/love my subordinates no matter what the rest of the rest of modern backward demoniac society has to say on that matter.

It is better that you dont discuss something that you obviously have no clue about.I agree.

well yess..
i should not be talking about it..
i dint however change my words.. its only that i made my stance clear in the later comment..
thank you very much prabhu..
i failed to understand that contemplating on anything other than krsna is all waste..

but please let me tell u.. most women i have seen(i am 24 yr old,unmarried as yet) are all devoted to their husbands and if a wife is devoted to her husband then she automatically is subordinate to him..

giving independence doesnt always result unrestricted association with para-purusha(men other than ones caretaker).

and regarding discriminatioon.. where is the basis for discrimination left when the man accept his wife to be his half and vice-versa.

and please.. the person who raised this ques must ve meant a devoted wife.. so my answer was just pertaining to such women who consider the husband as respectful as a spiritual master and lord.

thank you again.

thank you sg:)

please bless me that i gain not useless knowedge but attain to krsna prema.

[quote][cite] harishkumarmn:[/cite].
i failed to understand that contemplating on anything other than krsna is all waste..
[/quote]

contemplating about these topics in order to serve Krishna better is same as contemplating about Krishna.If my marriage is strong my wife will advance in KC and so will my wife and myself.

By having a strong KC family we are better able to share our insights and experiences with others less fortunate.

[quote][cite] harishkumarmn:[/cite

but please let me tell u.. most women i have seen(i am 24 yr old,unmarried as yet) are all devoted to their husbands and

[/quote]

yeah right,that is why we have such sky high divorce rate in ISKCON .

the point question was about nirjala ekadashi..

u swayed it to "be a man, dont be controlled by a woman"

and now u come up to a whole different issue "divorce rate in ISKCON"

do u realize how unruly we have become in this thread mr jagannath?

u seem to be strictly bound by illogical principles, go meet someone who can show you "what to apply where and how"

and please.. dont gimme lame excuses that you have seen perfect couples either inside or outside ISKCON thesedays..

and i feel utterly ashamed to speak this out but u seem to be like a frog in the well as srila prabhupada quotes few times..

and hahaha.. please consider three points-TIME, PLACE ,CIRCUMSTANCE
and then make a decision to act upon a given thing..

u seem utterly half-baked.

i am really sorry but u need this.. to be shown what u sound like when u speak..

and read ur comments all through the thread and consider.. where did u atleast be polite.. which is one of the most basic tenets of dignity..

sorry to say..

maybe U DENY WOMEN WHAT THEY RIGHTLY DESERVE

rethink about it..

and if u really can be in control yourself.. stop commenting on this thread.. lets see how much control youve got of your desire to squabble..

thank you mr. jagannath..

sorry for having been rude..
frogive me..

but i want no further argument on this..
plzzz..

jaya srila prabupada
hare krsna..