Pariprashnena — Q&A Archive

The practice of compassion like serving the poor Vaishnavas as done by FFL Vrindavan.

[quote][cite] ccd:[/cite]But what specific and pointed, most effective in your view, activity makes heart softer and more receptive, after exposure to jnana speculations and yogic austerity? Any practical suggestions (without too much cynicism please).[/quote]

In my experience - setting boundaries, especially in interpersonal relationships, but also in relation to how one generally spends ones time and energy.

For boundaries in relationships with people:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14718-building-healthy-boundaries/
(The "hard heart" would be what is here described under Disassociation, Excessive Detachment, Aloofness or Shyness, Cold and Distant, Smothering, but possibly also Chip on the Shoulder and Victimhood or Martyrdom.)

A quick overview: http://www.estherkane.com/newsletter/wcc0103.htm.
Consider that these principles go both ways. If you describe another persons reality and/or define who they are (which is what ordinarily happens in preaching), people will feel their boundaries have been crossed, and they generally do not respond well to that.

Also: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14688-establishing-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships/

And: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Begin-to-Set-Personal-Boundaries_1

It is important to know when other people are crossing our boundaries, and when we are crossing theirs.

I dont know about GV, but in Buddhism, they have a gradual system of preaching the Dharma that implicitly takes care that peoples boundaries are not being violated. Namely, the steps are in roundabout: 1. talk about the benefits of material life; 2. talk about the slight drawbacks of material life; 3. talk about the big drawbacks of it and suffering; 4. talk about impermanence and not-self; 5. talk about the benefits of austerity and aiming for higher goals than run-of-the-mill life. Only move on to the next step if it is clear that the audience have accepted / are comfortable with the previous one. Such a gradual system also helps the speaker against wasting time with talking about demanding topics to people who are not ready for them.

I can think of something similar in BG 12 - the hiearchical list of activies, ranging from general charity to bhakti yoga. Everyone agrees that some kind or level of charity is a good thing. One can move up the list, depending on how comfortable the person is with the topics discussed, this way, the person wont feel alienated.

Also, boundaries in ones personal organization are important too. A system like http://gtd-r.blogspot.com/ can be helpful. The idea is to always know what you have to do, at each hour of the day.
Much distress and inefficiency in interpersonal relationships comes from not knowing ones schedule, being in a hurry, being bored, multitasking.

It could also be helpful to keep a gratitude journal - everyday write down three or five things for which one is grateful, into a designated notebook so that there exists a tangible record.

Expressing gratitude can be a bit of a stretch. Generally, when we try to be grateful, we think of things that we like. This way, keeping a gratitude journal can turn into a frustrating race of trying to find things one likes and becoming frustrated as nothing seems good enough to be written down.
Meaningfully expressing gratitude can require a lot of inner work and metaphysical clarity.

There are many resources on the internet on how to cultivate gratitude.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gratitude
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZAoUOIX0uw
http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/gratitude.html
http://www.enotalone.com/article/1082.html

[quote][cite] ccd:[/cite]I heard that practice of austerity, and especially harsh austerity, makes heart harder or dry, especially if done without practical devotional activity. (Now I could not find any specific reference where Prabhupada had said it, but some of his disciples did). But what specific and pointed, most effective in your view, activity makes heart softer and more receptive, after exposure to jnana speculations and yogic austerity? Any practical suggestions (without too much cynicism please).[/quote]

It would be helpful to know in relation to whom or what one desires ones heart to be softer.[br]
[br]Is it about how one behaves towards other devotees, or toward non-devotees, or toward oneself, toward God, or toward someone or something else?[br][br]
Generally, one other thing that I know works for me is to take a popular magazine, read it and watch the photos - verbalize my reasoning - and then watch what reactions come up in my mind and then address them philosophically. (Magazines seem easiest, but it can also be books or films/tv shows.)[br][br]
For example, I was once in the library reading Heinrich B'f6lls "Ansichten eines Clowns" for my literature exam. Angered and frustrated, I swore out and threw the book away from myself, thinking "Why did they give this man the Nobel prize for literature?! What is this? Am I crazy or is he? What is this society that values such writing?! How am I supposed to convince myself that this book is good and worthy?! Why should this be better than the Vedas?" [br]After I swore out and threw the book away from myself - and I think it helped that I was in the library, with a lot of students around who looked at me - it then occured to me that I cannot take credit for having come into contact with a philosophy from whose perspective everything else seems small and worthless, and moreover, that Heinrich B'f6ll cannot be exclusively blamed for not being conscious of Krishna, given that there are so many factors that need to come into place for a person to come into contact with KC philosophy at all, what to speak of making progress. My anger and frustration dissipated after this insight.[br]
But in my experience, constant practice like this is required. That fit in the library was an intense and memorable experience, but by itself, it does not sustain my proper response.[br][br]

That said, something to beware of is idiot compassion (a concept well known in Buddhism) - the kind of sentimental attitude that is driven by concern for ones own welfare ("I just cant bear to see others suffer, so Ill just give them what they ask for") masqueraded as concern for others.

[quote][cite] ccd:[/cite]I heard that practice of austerity, and especially harsh austerity, makes heart harder or dry, especially if done without practical devotional activity. [/quote]

There is something strange about this topic, I cant quite tell what.[br]
[img]http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00routesdata/1800_1899/hinduism/ascetics/bedofnails1880s2.jpg[/img]
[br]
I dont think types like this wonder about their hard hearts. And those who do had to invest some practical devotional activity, had they not?