the first offence
Philosophy · asked by user [] · 2008-04-06 · 3 answers
Haribol!
There is one senior devotee who I appreciate a lot that often criticizes some devotees he had problems with in the past. This devotee is exemplary in everything and his association inspires me very much but when he starts criticizing this devotees I dont know what to do. I dont consider myself better than him, I also criticize but I would like to stop doing it or hearing others doing it.
Changing the subject does not work and I cant tell him anything because he is senior. The thing is that I can see how much this person suffered because of this devotees so its totally understandable but still I feel its of not use to go on with this "war".
What is your suggestion?
Thank you very much for reading this.
There is one senior devotee who I appreciate a lot that often criticizes some devotees he had problems with in the past. This devotee is exemplary in everything and his association inspires me very much but when he starts criticizing this devotees I dont know what to do. I dont consider myself better than him, I also criticize but I would like to stop doing it or hearing others doing it.
Changing the subject does not work and I cant tell him anything because he is senior. The thing is that I can see how much this person suffered because of this devotees so its totally understandable but still I feel its of not use to go on with this "war".
What is your suggestion?
Thank you very much for reading this.
user [38] · 2008-04-06
Approach some of his Godbrothers and ask them to talk to him about this privately.user [149] · 2008-04-06
Ive been in the same situation. Heres what I did:In this case, a devotee very senior to me was constantly criticising the absence of preaching programs by the temple management. It was a valid criticism and I agreed with him. Even though his constant criticisms were valid, hearing it for the millionth time was having a deflating, depressing effect on me. I explained to this person the effect it was having on me personally. I told him I had the same view as him but instead of going on and on about it I was prepared to push on whatever little preaching I could with or without management support and that constant criticism, even though valid, did not assist that effort at all and in fact distracted me from that effort. I told him that I certainly take into account the inadequacies of particular devotees but I could not let that be the dominant mood in my devotional life. I asked him to work with me and refocus his energy on a preaching project. He accepted this and has stopped his tirades and together we organise home programs.
You say that: "I cant tell him anything because he is senior." Prabhu, You can tell him something - you can tell him the effect his attitude has on you. He may not realise the effect it is having on you, so tell him. Reveal your mind (guhyam akhyati prcchati)- thats what friends do. Its a symptom of love and "...The life of the Krishna conscious society is nourished by these six types of loving exchange" (purport NOI verse 4). In my case, once the devotee understood what his constant criticisms were doing to me personally, his approach changed, at least around me.
I think the personal approach is very important and our ability to engage at this level is a sign of our level of devotional maturity. I understand the validity of VEDA prabhus advice, but I think it is a little impersonal and you lose an opportunity to practice priti, love. Generally Ive found devotees avoid personal dealings by hiding behind philosophical considerations such as the first offence or mad elephant offense, or trnad api... when really they need to strip things right down to the personal level as Nectar of Instruction, verse 4 encourages us to do. Look inside yourself, figure out what this devotees mood is doing to you, then speak to him about it. Practice personalism.
user [2] · 2008-04-06
if you inquire, you have the ask mood while explaining the effect on you, as deena said, should be no problem and both of you can further advance in your relationship and spiritual life.Otherwise, what is the value of association? Not eating puris together, but becoming each others Prabhus and servants.
Please, keep us posted about your experience.